I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
