He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
