then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
