I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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