hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
