Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
