And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
