WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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