just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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