When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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