i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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