There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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