i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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