I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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