So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
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But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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