I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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