hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
