I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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