saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
