i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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