so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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