So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
