I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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