did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
