But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
