saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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