oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
