The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
