its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
