Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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