Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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