Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
