My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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