I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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