no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's just like the Real World with babies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
