honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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