You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
