He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
