I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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