I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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