the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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