he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
