I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the day after is always just damage control
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize