also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am one with the molecules
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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