he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize