your parents love me but you hate me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
