Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
