apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
