Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
