also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
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There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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