My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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