There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
