im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
