eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
