Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
