"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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