You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
