So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
