My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
