Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
