At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
