"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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