Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
