You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
