Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
