haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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