you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
