Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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