Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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