I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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