I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
