The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This is the prime rib incident all over again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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