I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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