yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
