She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
