New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
