Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
