vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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