There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
