two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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