I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
