We named our party play list daddy issues
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
