but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
