That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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