I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We need to rekindle our bromance
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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