I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
