Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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